Well crap, I've always sucked with openings, starting things usually isn't a problem for me it's finishing them is what I can't seem to do. But needless to say the past couple years have been rough, and through therapy I've had a lot of time to reflect on things like; life, friends, family, religion, education, and whole bunch of stuff. Well one day I decided to delete some of the old crap off my laptop and I was deleting stuff off of my "Favorites" tab. And I came to the DA link, and I thought to myself, "why in the hell do I even have a DA account, I mean I don't have any of my own work to post?" So I got to thinking since I don't have any of my own work, what can I post on here to make this even worth while. Well it made me think of what art is, in it's many forms. I thought of the traditional stuff like drawings, paintings, and photography. But I also noticed that people post stories and journal entries on here, and literature can be a form of art. So if written word can be art, then the spoken word can also be art, though it has no tangible form. In the past two years of college I have found that I am a very good public speaker and when I'm not upset I can debate very well. But I have found that no matter how well you are at something, it can possess no power or value what so ever. With my art of speeches, I have found and have been told that my words have no power, that they hold no value since my actions either contradict or betray what I am trying to portray. So what exactly does that mean? Is that like an artist with no pencil, a painter with no paint, and photographer with no film? I have found that my art no matter how well I prep it, how much I mean and feel it, and how much I value it, never has had an impact on anyone. I mean what good is a speaker who cannot move you, or a piece of art that doesn't inspire you? So that brought up the old saying, "Beauty/Art is in the eye of the beholder." Well what good is my art if I'm the only one who values it, and does something really have value if you are the only one who values it? I mean the point of art is to share it with people with the hope of portraying feelings or inspiring people, but if my art can't do either what good is it? It's kinda funny because I know I've been asking a lot of questions and with all the time I have, I've come up with few answers. But one answer I've come up with I've really bonded with. So if we can agree that the written and spoken word are art, can we agree that the idea or strategy behind them is also art in a intangible form? So I looked at a bunch of great speeches from historic people and some hard decisions made by them and I asked myself what I would have done in their place. I thought really hard that if I can't win or succeed, and losing isn't an option, what am I left with? Well I came up with a simple answer, you don't put yourself in a position to lose anything. If you don't put yourself in a position to lose anything then you can't lose or fail at the task, but there is also a negative reaction to this strategy. If you put yourself in a position where you can't lose, then by default you also cannot gain anything. So bringing this back to art, where does this leave my art of the spoken or written word since they hold no value or power? Well it leaves me pretty screwed, thank god I'm not an artist, but I also thought of another factor that plays in the value part. I thought on who I am displaying this art to, I mean if I'm the only person who values the art I'm probably not getting out to the right people. So who am I trying to present my art to? Well I found that it was the people I really cared about the most, my friends. Well to consider that I only have 3 friends these days, I must be a terrible artist. But this is where that strategy of putting myself in a position of where I can't lose comes into effect. That if I keep Jase, Trunks, and Kenpachi, but seek no further friendships or relationships, I'm putting myself in a position where I can't lose. Yes I know I can lose them, but when you can narrow your friends down to 3 people who even care about your day to day existence, you're kinda in that position anyways, and you are pretty accustomed to losing. So what does this mean to my art? Well all I can figure is that my art must either be old fashioned/outdated or ahead of it's time and I'm the only one who values it. I mean does art that doesn't do what it's supposed to have value? Ofcourse not, it's garbage. So what does that leave for me to do? Well all I can do is wait, wait til my art can make a difference. Wait til my art can influence or reach out to someone and they can understand or feel what I am trying to get across. But it does kinda make me laugh though, as I write this and look over it, does this written word of my art have any value? Is this going to make a difference to anyone who bothers to read it? But I think that is the risk all artist take. So like I was talking about earlier, why do I still have this DA account? Well idk, I'm still mulling over whether to delete it or not, but I've always been a fan of putting one last nail in the coffin. Maybe I just want to see who will actually read this, and just maybe, hopefully this can make a difference. But as humans we are destined to repeat the past, and if the past is any indicator of things, this has been nothing but a waste of time where people are going to think that I'm just feeling sorry for myself and that I've given up. Well you're would be correct, I do feel sorry for myself, but I also feel sorry for those I've hurt too, or atleast I did. And I have given up, because my strategy of not losing also means that I'm truly not living life. So at this point I can only wonder what thoughts and feelings are going through the mind of my reader. Well I'll let you think whatever you want, this is my art and I'm portraying it the best I can with what I've got.